Monty Loved Comedy

by Jay Whitecotton Edited by Al Bahmani

Monty 1

Monty wore a big, dumb straw hat lined with 420 buttons and positive affirmations. It was his comfort blanket, but as he gained confidence he began to take it off and hang it on the mic stand. His sets were exactly as he was off stage, filled with bouts of nervous laughter and catchphrases like “Where my Outlaws at?”and “If you don’t like my jokes I’ll smoke you out in the parking lot!” Always with a genuine sun baked smile.

Monty loved comedy.

In many ways it was the only thing keeping him together after the car wreck. Years before we met he had lost his wife in a crash. Though she survived in the most literal sense, she – from how I understood it – was frozen in time. A shell with no spirit. However, Monty refused to accept that. Knew she was still in there. He believed it and held on to her like you would your absolute closest and best friend. He saw light in her eyes, talked everyday about her and the day she’ll wake up to anyone who would listen. The magnitude of that kind of devotion overwhelms me too much to even try to write anything more about it.

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Monty had a lot of terrible ideas about starting comedy shows. Laundry mats, metro rails, his front porch, the restaurant near his house that he could just walk to… He would assemble anyone willing to join him on these terrible ideas and call everyone else who had the good sense to avoid that nightmare – cowards. In many ways he was right.

The “Where’s my Outlaws at?” was as silly as the straw hat, but it meant the world to him. The ‘Outlaw’ tag itself is an old stand up term from the early 1980’s that Houston Comics still can’t seem to shut up about. It included two of standup’s biggest legends – Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison – and was a tag Monty cherished greatly. One time after doing a gig in Houston, Monty got to meet one of the original Outlaws, Andy Huggins. For weeks he bragged how Andy gave him the blessing to carry on the name. It was a small gesture, but one that meant the world to Monty.

Everything he did successful or not he wore as badges, like the buttons that lined his big dumb straw hat.

Monty & Fam

However – nothing made him more proud than his kids and who they grew up to be. He loved them so openly, hailed their every accomplishment and looked upon them with happy wonder. Monty was very self aware of the kind of father he must’ve of appeared like so I think the fact that his kids grew up to be more normal than NORML came as an immense relief. Sometimes Monty would talk about them with a lost look in his eye, like a Captain slowly going down in the ship, sad, but also happy that they were at least safe in lifeboats paddling to shore. It always unnerved me.

Monty certainly had his dark days. Sets filled with anger and frustration. Occasionally creepy when you knew he needed to get some, but no one ever felt unsafe. He was a big goofy puppy and rarely held grudges for long.

Everyone that met him loved him, got annoyed by him, avoided him, put up with him, got excited to see him, and most definitely smoked out with him. It was genuine. We all worried about him, we all talked about his weight loss and occasional binges in moods, but none of us could’ve stopped this. That is also genuine. If you’re looking back trying to find a way you could’ve stopped this from happening, quit. He was his own self made Outlaw, fiercely set in his ways. All you can do now is say goodbye and try to carry on the best in him that he showed to us.

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It’s common to hear things like “this isn’t about you” or “you didn’t really know him that well to speak about this”. Don’t buy into that bullshit. The fact is – it really is about you and the people you are around. That’s how death works. Monty is gone so these questions aren’t his to worry about anymore. It doesn’t matter if you met him once or hung out every day, it’s ok to take the time to personally and openly reflect what this means to you.

How else do you really celebrate or honor the meaning of a life?

I don’t know.

Monty & Lesko

One time Monty let me try on his dumb straw hat. I was going to fuck around with him and do my best Montgomery Wayne Seitz impression, but the pins from all the buttons stabbed painfully into my skull. I realized quickly how that pain is what Monty felt every day he wore his favorite comedy hat. He didn’t have to wear it, often we’d make fun of it, but he wore that pain with a smile because it made him feel good trying to make everyone else happy.

I wish I appreciated that small sacrifice more when he was alive.

A GoFundMe Page has been made to help cover funeral expenses.

To Make A Donation Click Here!

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What Kind of Stand Up Are You?

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What Kind of Stand Up Are You?

By Jay Whitecotton 
With so many different POV’s entering the world of stand up comedy, it’s getting harder and harder to describe what kind of performer you are. Not sure yourself? No problem!

Here’s a quick list of the many budding new genre’s in Stand Up Comedy you can typecast yourself as!

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Comedian: A person of any race and gender who cares about the art. Wants to build an act that will carry them forward based on originality, but still relatable. Prone to taking themselves too serious on occasion, but only in the hopes of getting better.

“I need to start opening with my closer so it doesn’t become a crutch.”

Comic: Usually a failed musician or former “funny” guy at work. Can’t wait to hit the road. Constantly dismisses themselves, but secretly desires to be seen as a true ‘comedian’.

“Where you from? What do you do? Who’s dating?”

Open Micer: Novice. Trying to figure it all out. In the middle of losing all their past friendships, while forming new one’s in the open mic community. Has immediately posted photos of themselves holding a microphone as their social media profile pictures.

“Anyways… um. Do we get paid?”

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Hack: Unoriginal, but safe. Gets work quickly, but doesn’t move past host or ‘that guy who can drive us to the gig’. Commonly introduced to the stage as “heard on XM/Sirius satellite radio.” (Not true.) Teaches a ‘Comedy Workshop’.

“It’s a Honda Civic… (waves middle finger to the crowd)”

Road Hack: A Hack with their own car payments and the ability to talk for 45 minutes. Notebook filled with jokes that could sell T-Shirts.” Commonly introduced to the stage as “Seen on Last Comic Standing.” (Waiting In Line) Occasionally teaches a ‘Comedy Workshop’.

“Is that a Tribble run? I can totally work an alternative audience!”

Boat Hack: The crowning achievement for the Hack. All the atmosphere of a good Road Gig, but with none of the wear and tear on the car. Commonly introduced to the stage as “Seen on Last Comic Standing.” (Was on the show, but you didn’t see it) Considers themselves too good to teach a ‘Comedy Workshop’.

“The only thing that sucks is they won’t let me sell my “Fuck It Bucket” shirts because their too ‘edgy’.”

Hobbyist: An Open Micer who occasionally hits the stage to do a contest or an open call network audition. Self-described as ‘aged out of the business’ when they reach 30. Repeats what Road Hacks say as if it were the industry standard.

“I submitted for that, but they probably want a young woman or a minority.”

Fraud: A Hack who works every angle of professional comedy accept the actual working on their act portion. They instantly have TV credits out of nowhere, thousands of “fans” on Facebook, and an endless array of egg shaped people following their twitter accounts. They take pictures with random people and post them as “hanging out with some fans after the show” – even when not performing. They always “just killed to a packed room” on every status they’ve ever posted. Complete with a picture of said crowd, but at angle that does not show the 300 empty chairs. They had merch before they wrote their first joke and a store on their web site if you want to ‘support their comedy’. A Fraud has never failed on stage or any audition ever. The crowd was always “crappy, but I turned them around despite” and the network show “wasn’t a good fit for me at this time and even though they LOVED me, I decided I’d rather not be seen by millions on some TV Show that doesn’t give me creative control. I’d much rather keep it real and do my OWN thing right here in (Who Carestown, USA)!”

“Tickets are going fast! Near capacity already, but I have a block of 100 tickets for sale only $20! HURRY!”

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Goon: Formerly known as an edgy comic. Act filled with references to Rape, Racism, and Sex. Gets unreasonably upset when a sexy female musician gets too much “undeserved” exposure on the radio. Also gets upset when sexy women get too much “undeserved” exposure on TV. Has strong feelings about comic book movies casting black actors. Can’t handle it when people don’t get the ‘joke’.

“Can you believe that Cunt? What a Faggot!”

CHUD: A Goon WITHOUT the imagination and DOUBLE the addiction to meth. Often homeless. Would be banned from performing if everyone wasn’t scared of being murdered.

“You have a smoke? Can I get a ride?”

Prog: A progressive comedian who takes stands against white males. (99% of the time is usually a white male) Seems to develop strong beliefs on Facebook immediately after reading a Salon article.

“When are we going to have an African-Latino Gay Transgendered President already?!”

Proggo: Same as a Prog, but way more focused on women’s rights issues. Immediately was offended because I used the word ‘Guy’ in the above description for Comic – instead of something gender neutral.

“Check your privilege! This blog/post/comment is part of the problem!”

Drunk Slut: Self-described “Hot Mess”. Topics usually cover: Self-Esteem, Semen, Vodka Soda, and Parents not liking her Facebook posts.

“People want to fuck me, isn’t that weird?”

The Status Girl: Started comedy 6 months ago. Already has 450 mutual friends on Facebook and liked all their statuses. Saved a collection of dirty desperate messages sent from half the Comedians, Comics, Hacks, Road Hacks, etc that talk bad about her publicly.

“Comedian Jane Doe Comedy likes your Post.”

The Not Anonymous Enough Alcoholic: Former Drunk Slut, Goon or Prog, but finds that by insufferably talking about their ‘struggle with addiction’ they can create a false sense of empathy with the audience and still get to do their ‘party bits’.

“I had a beer when I was 17 and broke curfew, but now (fights a tear) now I’m 7 years sober (breathes deeply waiting for applause break).”

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Nerd Comic: Standard variety comic book and movie references. Not making it in the clubs because the ‘audiences aren’t cool’. Does a great Werner Herzog impression, but its “cool even though it’s an impression”. Wears hoodie to look slim and youthful, but everyone can tell they’re chubby.

“You know what’s weird about Batman?*

(*Werner Herzog voice)

Hipster: Nerd Bully. Aggressive entitlement. Constantly pointing out how it’s everyone else who’s the Hipster.

“Val Kilmer was the superior Batman, if you weren’t a Hipster you’d KNOW that.”

Bloggo: A Hobbyist, but with a blog. Has strong “heroic” opinions about Dave Chappelle not being sensitive enough towards gender issues, but completely ignores Jeff Dunham’s blatant awfulness.

“I’m offended.” (Presses Send)

The Actor: Uses comedy as a way to either develop their one man show, as a window to get into Hollywood, or a last chance to regain notoriety after the sitcom is cancelled.

“I’m also taking an Improv class!“

The Cleaner: A hack who insists on their importance by their ability to be completely ball-less and uninspired. Half start out as Goons, but transition over in a desperate plea to get opening work. The other half start out ball-less and go to great lengths to let everyone know they can “work clean”. They are also the absolute creepiest people off stage and their web browser history is filled with German Sexual Nightmares.

“You don’t need to say ‘fuck’ to be funny.” (inserts ball gag)

The Chosen: A Clean Hack who calls himself a ‘Christian Comic’. Replaces ‘Fuck you’ with the far more pretentious “Blessed”. They’re constantly doing it for the Lord, but by doing it – they mean trying to market themselves to Church’s so they can get that easy non-taxable money. Also – its easier to have a shitty act if you only perform to audiences brainwashed into thinking of judgment as a sin.

“I’m like… God Bless it, man. We’re all trying, but sometimes…. IT’S HARD, RIGHT?!” (points upward)

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Sit-Down Comics: Whole act centers around their handicap. Lots of puns. Has an original point of view about the current state of… no… wait…yeah no, it’s right back down to their handicap.

“Look Ma, No Hands!” (Waves Nub)

Pimp Walk: Same as a Sit Down Comic, but with some sort of Palsy.

Sweat Stains: Same as a Sit Down Comic, but Fat and “has to move the mic stand away so you can see them better.”

Uptown: Black Comic who doesn’t need the “white clubs” because “they aint ready”. Expert use of graphic arts to create flashy flyers. Often accompanied by slam poets, a DJ, another DJ, a photographer, 32 Sponsors and 27 more Uptown comedians on the same bill.

“Nah man…It’s pronounced D-Ray. You thinking of Dray. He’s on another show.”

Black Comedian: Just wants to be known as a comedian, but does only jokes about what its like being Black so white audiences will laugh.

Black Nerd: Same as a Black Comedian, but Nerd.

Latino Comic: Same as a Black Comedian, but Latino.

Asian Comic: Same as a White Comedian, but Asian. (sometimes Black)

Filipino Comic: Same as a Black Comedian, but Filipino. (sometimes Asian)

African Comic: Same as a Black Comedian, but not that kind of Black.

Woman Comic: Same as a Black Comedian, but won’t shut up about it.

Gay Comic: Same as a Black Comedian, but sometimes a Woman.

Terrorist Comic: Same as a Black Comedian, but Middle Eastern and insists they’re not actually a Terrorist.

The POD: A Hobbyist with a Podcast. Finds validation easier by staying at home and making the “audience” come to them.

“It doesn’t pay, but you’ll get exposure!”

The Stay at Home Dad: Used to write and perform jokes, but now owns a club/room or runs a festival to be closer to their roots and family.

“We don’t need New York or LA, we can do it right here in (Who Carestown, USA)!”
Also
“It doesn’t pay, but you’ll get exposure!”

Jay Whitecotton

The Coward: Anybody who writes a list of labels, but at the end turns it around on themselves as if to say ‘Hey, I’m not immune – see I can turn the joke on myself! This way you’ll think I’m self aware and don’t mean any actual malice towards anyone what-so-ever!’

“I’m Drunk. I’m Lonely. Fuck You.”

* CHUD coined by Andrew Rosas. Drunk Slut category pushed hard by Mike MacRae. Fraud demanded by Andrew Polk.

Jay Whitecotton is a Stand Up Comedian from San Antonio, TX now living in Austin. He’s written columns for magazines without any journalistic credibility – toured professionally as a guitarist, despite no lessons – and sold a script that was never made into a movie… – He likes dragons

Originally posted with permission of Jay.

Finding K-von

Kvon discovers a holiday was hidden from him.

Kvon discovers a holiday was hidden from him.

What if you just found out your parents hid Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years Eve from you?
 You’d feel angry, bewildered, cheated and confused. When comedian K-von found out his father never told him about a similar holiday, Nowruz (Persian New Year), instead of getting angry he got even and created an award winning documentary.

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Scott Kennedy: Let’s Nominate Him For The Presidential Citizens Medal

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Scott Kennedy had an impact on many lives. Look at his Facebook page and you will see how loved he was. He recently passed away. A great article by Dave Holmes was written in the Huffington Post recently highlighting his life and some of his accomplishments. There should be one more honor bestowed upon this American hero. The Presidential Citizens Medal. We can all nominate him by going to the official website. The deadline to nominate him is March 31. You need to fill out some information on the page about him.
Name: Scott Kennedy
Age: 48
City: Austin
State: Texas
Explanation of why he should be considered…
If you knew him, that should be easy. If not, just read the Huffington Post article.
Official Website

Get the word out about this nomination. Together we can make it happen!

Mo Amer: Comic Ambassador

Mo AmerBy Al Bahmani

A high energy comedic storyteller, Mo Amer is a force to be reckoned with. Mo arrived to the United States from Kuwait at age nine. At age seventeen, he entered Houston’s Funniest Person Contest and made it to the wild card round of the contest. At age nineteen, Mo was being flown out to play to US troops stationed abroad. Mo is also the youngest member of Allah Made Me Funny—The Official Muslim Comedy Tour. Fans have watched him at sold-out shows worldwide in two dozen countries on five continents. Mo took some time off his busy schedule to talk with us. See him tonight at The Comedy Showcase for the New Year’s Eve Party Show!  Continue reading

Houston Improv Open Mic Night: Be There

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By Steven Padilla

Open Mic Night is Back

It has been well over a year since The Houston Improv hosted an open mic. When there was one, it was held consistently every month or so.

On September 5, 2012, it was resurrected. This time on a more consistent basis. The plan is to have the open mic every other week. The dates are posted on the Improv website.

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5 Common Open Mic Mistakes

    

By Steven Padilla

1. Not Staying In The Light

All of the attention is meant to be focused on you.  That’s why you went on stage in the first place.  Stay center stage, where the light is.  If the entire stage is lit, feel free to roam.  Very simply stated, stay in the light.
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