Peter Pan Syndrome by Jay Whitecotton


by Jay Whitecotton

Talk to certain types of girls today and you’ll find a common complaint they have about the men they meet is that a lot of us our going through Peter Pan Syndrome. 30 year-olds who still go see live bands, drink at the bars on a Tuesday, work jobs to support their own creative endeavors, and generally – main ambition is having a good time.

And what’s wrong with that? Is that really an insult?


First of all, from what I know Peter Pan was a dude in tights flying around abducting children in the night and telling them ‘Never’ was a bad word.


Growing up is an illusion and a boring one at that. Adulthood is quite often just the act of resigning depression after years of youthful struggle, the slow murder of hope. It’s why every ‘Rock the Vote’ campaign is marketed towards the youth. They’re the only ones immature enough to still believe they can make a difference.

How many “Grown-ups” have you actually ever met in life? How many people do you know personally – actually measure up to this ideology? How many bosses have you ever worked for who were just so “mature” in their decision making skills?

Being dismissed with ‘Peter Pan Syndrome’ is completely insulting and derives purely from the type of women who want to fulfill some childhood fantasy they’ve harbored since little girls. Dreams set in stone of having a Prince, a Wedding, and Babies. It’s fucking selfish you Pan-Hating bitches – and a sentiment far more deserving of being called “immature” than dudes supporting live art on a weekday night.

These same women complain how all these “boys just want a mother”. No! They never wanted a mother. They just wanted to have sex. You know – the greatest thing ever! Oh, that’s right, I forgot. Sex to you is either a chore or an act of manipulation.

Don’t complain about us treating you like a “Mother” if all you want to do in life is dig in, have some man support you, and spout baby pictures to exploit on Facebook – like that’s an achievement. Their dreams of recording a great album are just as meaningful as your dreams of having a pretty baby. If you weren’t so egotistical you’d see that.

Fuck your babies. How many multiples of babies are worth just one ‘Dark Side of the Moon’? Beethoven’s 9th lived way before and will live way after your precious future middle class, data analyst – Ode to the lil’ precious Joy that his is.

Mostly, the desire for children today is not one of instinct to preserve the species, but instead to show off how great and important you are to everyone who bothers to notice. Sure a lot of Moms eventually settle in and raise the kid as proper as they can. Just stop pretending that was the motivation all along. Motherhood is over rated and an instinct that usually kicks in well after the broken condom.

Some Mothers can’t accept that. Some Mothers just exploit their children as extensions of their own failed dreams. Prop them up for the all the public to see in the form of a Honey Boo Boo, a Justin Bieber, or Miley Cyrus. They give themselves a false sense of validation for pussy blasting something known and celebrated in the public eye.

And just who’s validating all these Honey Boo Boos, these Biebers and Hannah Montanas? Not the Peter Pans of the world, no – all these nightmares are perpetuated upon the public by the fucking “Grown-ups”. These “Adults” who “maturely” plug into the TV night after night so they can be told what to like and what to buy.

Why do you think all those shit shows and celebrity whack-a-thons are programmed during the weeknights? So all the “Grown-ups” can have an artificial reality lived for them to share with the other blank stares pouring coffee in the morning.

Where’s that fairy tale? Where’s the fable about a guy who gives up and drinks not for fun, but because the weight of his expectations were robbed with the consequences of satisfying some girl’s comfort zone. Where’s the Tall Tale of the catty girls glaring hate on the one cool chick who decided to take a chance and blow a guy she just met because it turned her on and it would be fun? Now she’s labeled a slut and shunned so horrifically by the Pan-Haters that she eventually starts embracing the label, corrupting the person she once was out of shame and loneliness, eventually becoming a shell of a human being destroyed by the judgments of “Maturity’.

These Fairy Tales don’t exist because they haven’t been written – that’s actual reality, and god knows we can’t share that with children. They might grow up too soon!

I see your Peter Pan and raise you a heaping pile of Baby Shit.

You should be so lucky to find yourself a Pan. What better a father figure than a man who openly embraces life, celebrates hope and seeks new interesting paths?

Oh sure, there’s a few shitheads exploiting the situation. Dudes who get baked, live in filth, and move from couch to couch. JUST LIKE THERE ARE SHIT HEADS IN ALL FACETS OF LIFE.

The only difference is that the Peter Pans of the world aren’t the one’s bitching how everything doesn’t conform to their egos and empty validations.

Never say Never.

Jay Whitecotton is a Stand Up Comedian from San Antonio, TX now living in Austin. He’s written columns for magazines without any journalistic credibility – toured professionally as a guitarist, despite no lessons – and sold a script that was never made into a movie… 

– He likes dragons


Originally posted on with permission of Jay.

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